Friday, December 13, 2013

Its December...month of celebrations,forgiveness,hope,festival,holiday..

A year gets end and new year is born with full of hope..

I am in kind of in peace now a days...no fear for the future..no .regrets about the past just eternal bliss...

Monday, June 17, 2013

I feel there is so much to do..so much to learn....so much to see...so much to travel...

I feel there is a big world out there waiting for me...


feeling alive

How many of us have forgotten to live ,love and laugh?

I am seeing lots of people around me who where so enthusiastic in nature gone full silent and forgotten to live there life being engulfed to the day to day routine and monotonous life's.

Its really sad to see such an energetic people turning to the same old fashioned responsible people who never think about anything out of box.

No matter what age we are we should feel alive! otherwise there is no point of living this life..one day one fine day we all will die,..then there is nothing left..this beautiful planet..this beautiful nature..this beautiful people around us...nothing is left..so when we are living in this mother earth its important to feel alive,its important to feel happy..

Lot of people miss understand the feeling of alive with having alcohol,or by taking drugs etc..that's not feeling alive..its forgetting what you really are and doing things which you as a person never will do..its not the way to feel alive...its the way to trick your conscious..its the way to behave what you are not! so never get in to such activities to feel alive! if you want to knock out yourself out of this work and feel dead you can try all that! :)

According to me feeling alive is doing some thing,that will get you to the excitement of a child! and bring you to a state where you feel everything is beautiful in this world.And you will feel its worth living this life! It can be anything..any little thing...

Read this article in the internet felt its worth sharing!!! If anybody who read this and feels like to feel alive my mission is accomplished! :)

Forty ways to feel alive

SAY SOMETHING YOU’VE BEEN MEANING TO SAY


1. Tell someone how you really feel about them instead of waiting because you’re scared.
2. Tell someone what you really want and need instead of building up resentment.
3. Share your fears publicly, in a blog post for example, and ask the community to keep you accountable in overcoming them.
4. Tell a friend your greatest dream, and then ask them to hold you accountable in pursuing it.
5. Admit to a friend how you really feel about how you spend your time—then brainstorm about ways to improve it.
6. Introduce yourself to someone you’ve been dying to meet, even if you feel nervous.
7. Ask someone who’s done what you want to do for advice and encouragement.
8. Tell your boss what you can do instead of wondering if you’ll ever move forward professionally.
9.  Or tell your boss his services are no longer needed—then finally start pursuing your passion.
10. Tell yourself the truth instead of lying to yourself about the changes you want to make in your life.

TRY SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY 


11. Sign up for a class to learn a skill you’ve always thought would be fun.
12. If you can’t afford a class, look on Craigslist for free events related to that interest.
13. Ask a friend to teach you to do something you don’t know how to do—and offer to teach them something else in return.
14. Take that new class at your gym instead of worrying that you won’t be able to keep up.
15. Buy a new or used instrument and look on for instructional videos on YouTube.
16. Think of something you’d enjoy creating—a blanket, a song, or a small piece of furniture—and then do some research today to take the first step in doing it.
17. Write a blog post or take some photos and submit them to your favorite website.
18. Invite a few of your friends to play a sport you’ve always wanted to try, even if you fear you’ll seem uncoordinated.
19. Blast your favorite song and try a dance style you’ve always admired. Nothing makes you feel alive like getting your blood pumping!
20. Make a list of things you think you’d enjoy, and then pick one you’ve never done to try this weekend.

GO SOMEWHERE YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO


 

21. Plan a vacation to that destination you’ve always dreamed about visiting.
22. If you can’t afford that, research cheap ways to travel—staying in hostels, volunteering abroad, or transporting someone else’s car, for example.
23. Issue yourself a “life ticket.” According to Tiny Buddha contributor Jamie Hoang, we find ways to pay tickets when we get them because we have to. Think of travel in that same way—and be resourceful to make it happen.
24. Take a weekend road trip to somewhere close you’ve always wanted to visit.
25. Write down your three favorite hobbies and for each, a place you’ve always wanted to try (i.e.: a beautiful beach an hour away for surfing). Plan to go this weekend.
26. Invite friends to a restaurant, bar, or other establishment you’ve wanted to try, but have avoided in favor or familiarity. (Once you invite other people, you’ll be less inclined to change your mind last-minute!)
27. If you’ve avoided going to a new spot because it’s expensive, start a “fun night” savings jar today, and make trying that place a priority.
28. Make a list of fun “staycation” ideas (for daytrips in your area). Schedule at least two of them for the next month.
29. If there’s a conference you’ve always wanted to attend, book your ticket for next year, or see if you can volunteer there to get free or discounted attendance.
30. Plan some type of creativity-driven travel project—once a week or even month, take photos, draw, or write in a new spot you’ve wanted to visit

DO SOMETHING YOU THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T DO


31. Jot down three qualities you’d like to possess, then three choices or activities that coincide with them (i.e.: adventurous—white water rafting). Make a plan to do that thing.
32. Enlist a friend to help you face it fear, whether it’s quitting your job or skydiving.
33. Create a positive affirmation to replace a limiting belief (i.e.: tell yourself, “I feel confident around new people” instead of “I can’t meet new people—I’m too nervous”). Then use that new belief to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
34. Think of someone you admire and write down three things they do that you don’t think you can. Now make it a personal mission to prove yourself wrong.
35. Think of something huge you’ve wanted to do, but feared you can’t. Now shrink it down to something smaller but related (i.e.: climb Mt. Everest could start with join a rock climbing gym.) Do that smaller thing today. It’s a start!
36. Ask a friend to describe your potential. Find the parts that make your heart race with excitement, and then take one small step today to work toward that possibility.
37. Set a 30-day challenge—i.e. write 5 pages every day without worrying if they’re any good; after 30 days, you’ll have a first draft of a 150-page novel.
38. Ask yourself, “What would I try if I thought I wouldn’t fail?” Take one tiny step toward that goal today.
39. Ask a friend or your significant other to design an “opposite night” for you—a night when the two of you do things completely opposed to what you usually do.
40. Share something you want to do but think you can’t in the comment section here. Just putting it out there is a great start!
This is obviously a large list—and there’s far too much to do all at once. But maybe you can pick just one thing that resonated with you, or pick one thing every week or month.
The point is to do something to feel passionate, excited, and exhilarated.
We all have different interests that inform what we want to do; and we all have different responsibilities that might limit how we’re able to do them. But we all have the ability to make at least one tiny change, or take at least one tiny risk.
Today I’m going to spend several hours doing something I haven’t done in 10 years with people I’ve never met. I feel terrified, but oh so thrilled and alive.
What would give you that feeling?


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Death

death is a mystery to most of us..even to me..most of us fear death....I have seen couple of deaths in my life..death of my grand mother,grand father and mom's moms death...but saw the dead body of only my grand mother..fathers mother when I was in 9th stand she expired...She was looking cold..but same person no change..her legs where cold when I touched her..I think its better to not see a dead body..because seeing one will make us realize that person have already left from our life's...not seeing will not give that feel...it will give a feel that the person is still belong to our life..and there some where..where we can not see...

That is what happened with my grandfathers death..I could not see his body...they cremated him before I reached home from Bangalore..same with my muttassi..I dint see her life less body..she was already cremated...I was not much sad...the sadness started sinking in slowly whenever I go to her home and not see her there...

I have always wondered where these people go...death is of course a sad feeling...that's why most of the people hesitate to talk about it...every body know its an unsaid truth..every body have to kiss it one or another day...

I have imagined what will be after death..may be we will be still in this world..with out a body...free...able to travel wherever we want...able to travel with time..able to see the people ..feel the people...or its the end? nothing...its a forever sleep...I would like to see death as freedom..a freedom from all these worldly pleasures..a freedom from all the unhappiness happiness..a freedom from these materialistic life's..a freedom from all the boundaries and limitations..a freedom forever...

I have Imagined how it will be if a die under the water..or the ocean..I will fall down to the bed of the ocean...I will feel suffocated for a moment then the freedom...I will be detached from the body...I could travel in the air...I could reach to my home see my mom dad...go to Singapore and see what he doing..go to all the people I wanted to visit and see what they doing...can go to mountains..can see sunsets sunrises...my death wont be painful..it will be a freedom!!!


PS : Jiah Ghans death is quite disturbing....I think she would have also thought the same and would have embraced it willingly.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Thinking from a parents side

I have been through a lot of conflicts recently in past two three years with my parents,mainly with the matter of marriage.

And there was so much of emotional trauma that had happened in both the sides and I have hurt them badly for not understanding my point of view and they also have hurt me many a times by sticking to their opinion.

But this post is not about marriage or regrading the parent child conflicts,Its about what I might do when I am in their shoes (Which I am thinking now).

Mid fifties,or early sixties are supposed to be golden age for a man/women ,If they are married  and their kids are well settled and their income is stable and financial state is stable.

That is the time we have to give time for our pending undone passions,or  any wishes which was left undone.
because we have so much time in hand...not much of hurries..health is not deteriorating..no need to keep on watch with the kids,we have all attentions to our-self..and there is no financial problems..

But this syndrome I have seen in many of this generation parents,They worry a lot about daughter/sons  marriage (I understand if the daughter/son is not settled there will be worry)or they worry if the daughter/son does not have children.And many many lists of worries like that.

Why worry if the son/daughter is not married,he/she is well settled they will find the right match when the right time comes..can you do some thing about it?, you can not.so instead of worrying just be happy that they are at least settled and manage to take care of themselves.



Purath Mazha channam pinnam peyyunnu...
Mazhaye kathorthu kidakkumbol eppozho aaa mazha manassil odiyethi....
Orayiram mazhathullikalay peythirangi...

Mazhaykk ormakalude sugandamanu...pranayathinde niramanu...
Nin Adharangalil viriyunna punjiri nukaruvan etra janmangal njan poombattayay janikkendi varum?

Friday, April 26, 2013

living in Bangalore - journey over past eight years


Well I have never wrote anything about how Bangalore is ? To live , love and survive.

I have been now living in this city for past eight to  nine years, I came to Bangalore as a student in 2004 August, I remember the climate of Bangalore then cold chilly and breeze every where...I hated this place I have started initial days of my life here in hosur road electronic city area living in college hostel. Hosur road was completely barren and so abandoned except some IT companies here and there and no fly over was built then.
 I felt Bangalore was boring and was never bothered to go out anywhere too.. After the college days I started seeing more places with greenery , but due to the emotional problems I was going through I blamed it all to Bangalore and started hating this place.
Love makes us blind... make us love a place which we had hated .. same thing happened to me . I started slowly loving this place.. Loving the lovely trees Bangalore has.. Started loving the chill . The different seasons with different flowers... Started loving the fruit markets .. Vegetable market and colorful people.. Started loving the early morning mist... sunshine's and sunsets... Some one has brought back all that sunny days back to my life... I have become a butterfly with wings. .. And I started trying out exploring different places in Bangalore  and different cuisines and restaurants around Bangalore. Life have changed for good. I started loving this city, started cycling and loved it more than anything . Today this city gives me hope, love and happiness . Its flower bearing trees brings smile to my face and joy to my soul. And I love living in this city.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Near Death Experience And Spirituality

I have always thought I am in search of a spiritual life...I am in search of god...I am in search of peace...I am in search of some one whom I want to believe and make a guru..I am in search of that almighty...

I believe in soul/spirit/atma whatever you can call it as...because I myself have felt many a time...

In my childhood,barely I was 4 or 5 I guess I used to roam around my parents family house in Kerala...a house surrounded by lush green trees and no pollution and full of natural beauty..I remember I walk around the house and enjoy the nature..the chirp of the birds...etc...I listen to nature...on one day like that I was in complete sync with the nature..I guess it was post afternoon..every one was quite asleep..I slipped out of my moms room and started my exploration around the house...and I was listening to nature..I was day dreaming I guess..I felt I was out of my body...and I am standing in the air and looking up to my body which is standing in the earth..I could see the house ...I could float...suddenly I realized I am not in my body and I came back to the body....I can not explain what I felt..It was peace it was I was wondering who I really am... I still remember this incident after so many years also..and many a times I have had this feeling also..but which I have tried Imagining and felt..

My quest for spirituality would have started from that day onwards,many a times I have asked who I am? And who is god..what is spirit is..Now I know there is god..But I don't know him..and I know there is spirit which I have really felt many a times...

I have written this much because of a discussion that had happened with a close friend of mine yesterday.
She is a christian and a core believer,In 2009 one unfortunate August 30th afternoon she met with a terrible accident..I was not in Bangalore..I was traveling that day to my native Kerala...she was my room mate that time and she went out with her fiance and family on that day afternoon to someplace...and I was full prepared to go home..I called her in the evening before I got in to bus ,but her no was unreachable..I dint think much and left home...after 2 3 days I got a mail from her another friend that she had met with an accident and is in ICU..(and the whole family is in hospital and uncle expired..) I rushed back to Bangalore the same day and she was in hos mat hospital in ICU when I came was in very terrible condition which I can not explain...she was in unrecognizable condition had head injury and whole of face got swollen and black..and broke pelvic bone and leg..

She was in coma for 3 days and I was literally praying for her that day nothing should happen to her...every body was saying nothing can be said as the head injury is there...which is very serious..her sister and husband was there..her friends were there..I was not knowing what to do..
After a week she came back to life...but was recognizing only few people and started coming back to life..
she was in hos mat for almost three weeks and later she got discharged and was taken back to her home town...and she was bedridden for nine long months in her home and then she came back to Bangalore after that...

Its only yesterday she have shared what she have gone through in that coma stage after the accident..I feel she have gone through a Near Death Experience.

I remember she asking me once she was out of coma whether uncle could make it...till then no body told her that he expired..but she knew that he expired..So I have to tell the truth(which I have always wondered how did she know)and when I said he expired..she cried like a child....as some one very close have gone...and she prayed for him..(she was not close to her).

She said when she was in coma..she met the almighty..she thought she died and some body was walking her in a path full covered with gold...very pure gold....and angels on the sides...in full white dress...very white dress...that kind of white we can not even see in earth...and she asked the lord is she died and she saw uncle in very pathetic condition...keeping his arm on his chest and said "ende ammachi.." and died...the light asked her to go back...she could feel his presence but could not make out whether it was Jesus or the father him self...she says she believe it was the father...

Later she asked jijo who was with uncle when he expired, was it the same way she seen the uncle have expired and he said he expired in the same way...

I also believe her spirit was out of her body and was starting to travel to a different world at that time.....but she had so much to do ...so she have to come back to this cruel world...







Saturday, March 9, 2013

Some times I feel

Some times I feel it was better not to know the truth..

Some times I feel It was better to leave where it was...

Some times I feel It was better to not hold any guilty feeling in you and move on ...

Some times I feel It was better not to tell any body what your pain was..

Some times I feel it was better to dig a hole in your self and cover all your pain there and wear a happy smile across your face...so that no body get a chance to judge you or take advantage of your pain..

Monday, January 21, 2013

Things I have learned in very hard way.

Last week was a terrible one,does any body can be happy and sad at the same time,I was.

A lot of things happened last week,re connecting of a lost love,breaking heart and trust of a lover,losing respect with a close friend...

I don't know what state I should be in..Happy or feeling terrible...I am feeling terrible more than happy that is for sure.

The things I have learned in a very hard way last week.

 A lost love is not going to come back and make your life colorful,Its a happy feeling to get to talk about past and cherish..But again its momentary...once the connection is closed..you are again in the gutter of emotions...feeling terrible and hopelessly sad..

And if a person have let you down in the past..he will let you down again in the future..to save his ass on bad circumstances..you have never been a priority in the past and will never be a priority in the future...

Never break the heart of some one who love you unconditionally,knowing your faults and problem...
I have always felt terrible seeing some one who was very close to my heart getting hurt because of me...that is the only reason I have felt like to run away from him...not that I don't love him enough..

A friend is the best criticizer..she can scold you and yell at you the way no one can do..and yet if you are guilty you wont be mad at her...you will see the truth in front of your eyes.or else she will make sure she will show you the truth even if the path she chooses to show that is the worst.


At the end of the day I was feeling one needs peace more than anything...love is not important..But peace should be brought to heart...otherwise its difficult to survive..


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Friends such a tresure they are.

Last week my best child hood friend have come here in Bangalore to meet me. she had an Interview here in fortis hospital and she was there with me for 3 full days.I have taken leave and spend really good time with her.

I met her in 1997 from Jnv kannur when I was studying in 6th std.I was lonely just joined a boarding school  and had no much friends. so I was looking for a girl to make friends with.I used to notice her she was a very lean silent girl who does not talk much to any one.I was a very active kid till then and a sudden change of the environment and the school made me a silent one. I have studied in Malayalam medium till then and sudden change of environment made me wonder what to do.

I don't remember how was our first meeting But I am sure she do remember :P.After started talking to her we both started getting along really well,she took real care of me and we where always together in everything and our friendship then continued till 12th std.

After I left JNV we both have to choose our own ways,I was difficult to be apart as she was there for me for everything,she was a great friend which one will meet in a life time.she have given me so much love and care which from nobody I have got the same kind of attention but life have to go on we moved part in search of what have kept for both of us.

I have met her once after JNV ,I went to her home and stayed for two days.other than that we kept our communication alive through letters calls and post cards etc.

It is after growing up I realized we both share same kind of passions like reading and traveling.we used to discuss about books ,she was so spiritual person I found my comfort in her spirituality thoughts etc.

So this visit was super exciting for me,I was not prepared she planned it all of a sudden but I was over joyed.

three days went like three hours,we chatted chatted like anything.we discussed lot of things about travel,book,god,death,her work experiences (which was so touchy,my heart melted hearing them),being spiritual,what not almost everything we could remember under the earth.

I was in full happy mood,so touched by her presence and was so happy .

I don't know when I will be able to meet her again,But I am sure we will stay so close to heart no matter how far we are.

And I will feel the same happiness whenever I meet her.

2012 end with a happy and cheerful note,her presence made this year so wonderful for me.

A look back to 2012

Its already 2013 here...Good bye to 2012.

Over all the year 2012 was good.I attained a kind of stability in life this year ,In personal life especially.

Here are some important things which I remember about 2012.

 1) I moved to a new house all by myself and brought some furniture's and started living by myself cooking and dedicating more time to reading.

2) I moved to new job(Tech m).

3) I got a room mate in march and she have been very adjusting and I enjoyed her company,I met couple of people through her and made friends with every body.

4) Have been to Masinagudi in September, and Yercaud in November (Leisure road trips both with out my 'N').

5) Learned to drive Activa,and started driving really good,also learned to drive car.

6) Started cooking very seriously,and started taking meals to office for lunch.

7) Got a new camera(Nikon cool pix).

8) Took cycling as a serious passion and started doing daily commute to office

9) Became an aunt of a baby girl :).


10) Read couple of books
     a) Time pass (Pooja bedi)
     b) chasing the monsoon (Alexander Fred)