Give time to yourself

Its been two years I am living a life seeing and knowing world through my outer senses..not feeding much to the mind and leaving the mind to a still state.

I used to get anxiety attacks,insomnia and restlessness frequently and it is then I realized it is too much that I have lived with the outer senses,and need to give some time to the mind and understanding the inner senses.

I have done pranayama,that helped me to sail through one of the inner shell and all the restlessness have reduced to an amount but still there is some more shells are there inside which I have to understand and sail through.

I am not sure what I need to do for that,may be some time daily dedicated to reading or some time sitting writing some thing that comes to the mind or some time spend alone in a meditative state.  or to follow a passion sincerely.

I have many plans to do and give some time to inner me as my days ahead wont be much occupied as some one very close to me is leaving me alone and going to a far place.

I will surely miss him but I will dedicate that time to mine alone for my better growth.

Want to be child again..

Today when I was coming to office I saw my reflection in one of the cars window,for a second I was amused at whom I am seeing,is it really me or only the body of mine which is staring..I felt like me as a soul have come out of the body and was staring to the mirror.
The reflection which I have seen was not me,it was some one else whom I never known,never wanted to become,a girl wearing a goggles,and wearing a modern outfit she was looking like one of the girls I used to see in the movies,stylish fashionable and beautiful.

When I was a child I never thought I will end up in this big city and settle down in  a city like this,I have grown up in a small village in a big family that consists of a great grand father grand mothers and uncles and aunts and so many children's and many servants.

My family was a higher cast rich respected family in the village,every one respected grandfather,he owned the only school in the village and my mom,dad, uncle and aunt where working as teachers in the same school,we owned most of the lands in the village and was providing means for livelihood for the villagers.

Every one admired grand ma as she was a very elegant women ,who was very beautiful,powerful and generous,she makes sure every one who come to home have filled there stomach and ate nicely,also she had the tactics to make servants to do their duty properly.

Grandfather was very commanding ,but was kind at heart.every day there used to be at least 10 to 12 visitors for him.most of the people would have come for some kind of help and he will also used to help them as how much he can.

Most memories of my grand father and grand mother which I have is ,he is reading his daily news paper from our veranda ,sitting in his long comfort chair which is made of wood and cloth.I loved to sit in that chair,so whenever he is not there at home I used to sit in that chair and swing,will never used to allow my sisters to take that place of mine.and I used to pretend as if I am grand pa who is reading the news paper.

Grand mother's memory which I have is she is reading the Ramayana slogas from a Big book keeping in a stand from the veranda at afternoons around three ,It is nice to listen as the house will go to a sleepy mode after three with no sound except her elegant voice reading the slogas in a nice tune,I used to listen to it and roam around the house watching the lovely afternoon light and listening to the birds chirps and natures wonder noises..When I think about those afternoon it is a divine feeling now..I could completely understand her spirituality and he singling the sloga's "Naranayingane janichu bhumiyil naraga vaasikalkkidayil njan...narakathil ninnum karakettidene tiru vaikya vazhum shivashambho.."
She was a big dietary of lord Vishnu..I remember her telling the stories of sri krishna,how yashoda used to feed the krishna when he was a child with rice,dahi and upperi and feeds me the same way I used to get amused with her stories and open my mouth and gulp the rise at a short thinking I can also gulp the same way as srikrishna and she used to say the stories when yashoda asks krishna to open the mouth when she finds him eating the sand he opens and show her the four world in his mouth to yashoda and she will realize he is not a child the god himself .also I remember her telling the story of a crocodile and an elephant an elephant getting stuck in a crocodiles mouth and he prays to lord Vishnu and pluck a flower  says "Narayana akilaguro Bhagavan namasthey" and do archana to lord mahavishnu,and seeing this lord mahavishnu himself will come and kill the crocodile with his sudarshana chakra and frees the elephant.
She used to tell me then when you are in trouble you should pray to lord Vishnu and chant that mantra ,he will come and save you from all the troubles..I believed in her words and used to chant them whenever I kneel down before the gods..
Those days taught me the power of belief and faith ,But as I grown I have changed I have forgot the power of beliefs and started going in wrong paths where is no belief's no faith in any one and to any body.

Continue...

Do not call me back

Do not call me back,
As yesterdays are over and this is time for today

Do not call me back,
As the yesterday's with you had shades of tear and pain

Do not call me back,
As there is nothing left for us for tomorrow.

Do  not call me back,
As even though I think about you ,I don't wish to be with you .

Do not call me back,
As I have much deserving people to give my time to.

Dreams and ambitions

I often ask myself what I want in life,A family a loving husband children's ? That was all I wanted two three years before.But now things have changed.

I still want a loving family that is my first priority, apart from that I have an endless list in front of me,noting down some of the wish list here.

Short term goals:

 - Want to loose weight - at-least 10 kg .
- Want to learn to drive car .
- Want to pursue a serious passion - As of now cycling,photography are in the list and doing cycling already but wanted to do it more seriously,got a new camera want to learn to take good pictures out of it.
- Want to learn to cook more recipes/varieties(need to buy a microwave oven) .
- Want to shift to a new/big house and do some small gardening(veggies and herbs).
- Support one/more orphan kids for studies.
- Want to enroll to MBA from IIT
- Want to enroll to a creative writing course.

Long Term goals:

 - Buy a property in Bangalore.
 - Want to support kids and women and want to start a shelter home.
 - Have a family.
 - Travel and visit places as much  as possible.
-write a book :)(It is a very secret wish)

These all are the only long term goals I could visualize now.

Achieving what felt was impossible

Almost 1 1/2 years before when I first went for a cycling day out organized by Art of cycling ,I felt cycling 45 km's in Bangalore city at a stretch in 3 hours is an impossible task.
But I challenged my thoughts and went ahead and paid the money 999 for a day trip that started from Leela palace in mg road then saw the Bangalore in a different perspective in a cycle.
We where a group of four me,two foreigner girls and pankaj the organizer.We have been to two churches in mg road and Cubbon park ,high court on a cool Sunday morning and had breakfast from koshis around 9 pm and cycled back to the organizers flat near Leela palace road.

I was the last one who was riding in that group,struggling to get in pace with the group.But that day after the  cycling was done I felt so happy even though every inch of my body was aching.

Then came to the idea to me why not buy a cycle for  some casual ride in btm area where I stay in the weekend,I have crossed trough that shop "Fitness through travels" in BTM 2nd stage many times and have once asked also how much a cycle cost,after hearing the price I thought those guys are crazy selling cycles for 15 to 20 k prices and dropped my plan for buying one.

But this ride have changed my thought,one Friday evening with my friend I went there and didn't have a single rupee with me still checked out the cycles and took a test ride on the Schwinn frontier expert cycle.
I dint have plan to buy the cycle on that day but after the ride I was like I wanted to buy it right away,my friend given his credit card to me seeing my enthusiasm and brought that little beauty to me.

I have done some casual rides after that in an around btm area and thought of cycling to office mainly because of the unavailability of buses and high charging auto wala's.
Initially it was difficult for me took 45 minutes and some times almost 1 hour to reach office and most of the time time after I reach I used to be deadly tired and wanting to have some food.I have started out with minim 2 to 3 days in a week,slowly I  have picked up the pace and could reach office in 30 minute ride and felt so energetic after that. and cycled every day to office I have continued this for 3 full month.It was like achieving some goal feeling so free.

Then I thought why not go for weekend rides as I already have couple of hours of daily ride experiences,and asked my friend from fitness through travels are they doing any weekend rides,he said yes and I planned to join them for shivanahalli ride on a Saturday,the ride was smooth an nice till before we reached the destination,I have gone through a bad fall in that ride when I was riding like a bird in a downhill nothing much happened but my cycles rim was damaged and I was then afraid of getting in to the bike.

I have given a break to my cycling after this bad fall and after I recovered from the shock ,I again started riding to office,keeping apart all bad experiences.but it didn't stay long as I started picking up the pace again my beloved bike got stolen on a bad Sunday night.But I was in no mood to give up on the cycling so I got my brothers cycle to Bangalore and started riding in it.

Now it been quite a time I am riding feeling so good after the ride but want to enhance my cycling duration to daily workout ride in the morning/evening for 1 to 2 hours.

I now feel it is impossible to get up in the morning daily and do this ride but I know its only thought I will do it in one month down the line.

Cheers and Happy cycling to all.




 

Trip to masinagudi

Its been long time I have packed my backpacks and gone out,so we decided to go for a quick refreshing trip.
 we have started the plan with eight people but at last end up with only five me ,my room mate , her boyfriend and her two couple friends

We Started from Bangalore on Saturday morning around 3 am, took nice/mysore road route and took a coffee break in CCD  around 5 am and reached Mysore around 6 am.

From Mysore we have taken Mysore bypass road and went towards Ooty and after passing Bandipur and Muthumalai forest road reached Masinagudi Vally around 9 am. we could spot couple of wild animals in both bandipur and muthumali forest range,once we entered the forest range complete weather was changed,it was calm,cool and serene. we stopped the songs in the car and driven slowly enjoying the natural beauty with out disturbing the nature.

we reached masinagudi around 9 and from there with out checking in to the resort, we have planned to visit ooty and climbed 36 hair pins and reached ooty.the steep climb was little risky and at the same time very thrilling.on each turn temperature started dropping, also giving a nice view of the nilgiri hills.
Around 10 am we reached ooty and went to lake view hotel for breakfast.The hotel was an old one but very neat and tidy had breakfast from there and headed to ooty lake for a leisure boat journey.ooty is a untouched scenic town welcoming you with its natures beauty pleasant climate and at the same time pleasant people.we could get the eucalyptus smell  in the air also a fresh mountain air that will fill your lungs and could spot happy farmers who works in the land cultivating cabbage,carrots and other vegetables that grow in the cold climate.

every one was in a very happy mood,so we put some good songs that goes with the mood.boat journey was so pleasant ,we have taken couple of photos from there.The water in the river was so chill that you cant even keep your leg in the water.

After roaming around the town,we started back to masinagudi around 1pm and climbed down and reached the valley around 2 pm.the road to the resort was little remote and there was not much pointers to the resort so we have to call the manager in the resort to get the correct route and around 2 30 pm we reached the resort.

The manager was waiting for us and he along with a servant guided us to the camp site where we where going to stay,it was a two storey hut along with tow bath rooms which was very neat and clean.in the first floor we had a tent in which 3 people can occupy and a rack,same in the second floor also.we all liked the place kept all our belongings there and headed for lunch as it was already late and every one was very hungry.

Canteen was near by and lunch was served in a homely manner,including polkas,rise,Dal,tow sabjis,pappd,sweets etc.it was very simple lunch but delicious one prepared in a very homely manner.

After the lunch we have taken a walk around the resort,we could spot passion fruit trees,pomegranate trees and lot other trees in the resort best part was the view from our hut straight facing the beautiful blue nilgiri hills and a nice green natural lawn.

They have put lots of swinging beds also in the resort,I wished I had taken a nice book so that I could read that on that swing.there was  a badminton court,tt table also which we have made use in the evening.

We all have taken good rest after the lunch because every one was so tired due to the traveling around 5 they served us tea,coffee and biscuits at our place again coffee was so homely delicious. Then we played couple of games and went for a evening safari in our car towards bandipur and muthumalai forest range hoping to see some more wild animals but couldn't spot many.

After the safari,we all freshened up and was ready for camp fire around 8 pm,they served us some snacks and guys where drinking and we all had a nice time chatting and enjoying the food around 9 30 we went for dinner and again dinner was so yummy like lunch adding up some more nice dishes and around 10 30 all went to bed.

In the morning every one woke up around 6 30 and got ready for the trekking to the near by nilgiri forest range.we had two guides and we where a group of 9 including two more people from the another guest groups.

slowly we started going in to the forest,initially we could see only bamboo's and a small dried out stream..but as we started walking more in to the forest bamboos vanished and started to hear a stream voice.and saw lots of big big trees and a small stream.

Once we entered to the forest the guide asked us not to make any noice and listen to the nature,every one went silent and started walking slowly in a man made path.we spotted a wild squirrel and heard a tiger voice also.he said once in the hills the temperature starts increasing the animals will come down from drinking water in the stream,we crossed the stream it would have been a big river in the rainy days the signs of the stream indicate that.

we climbed a rock and could have a nice view of the Vally and hills by the time every one was very hungry and tired,so we decided to go back.

around 10 am we reached the resort and a delicious and grant breakfast was waiting for us,every one satisfied our hungry stomach and retired to the camp sites. an interesting view was the deers in group who have visited near our camp sites to eat the grass I felt like the nature and me become one seeing it.

after a couple of  hours rest we all got freshened and started back to Bangalore around 12 30.no one was in a mood to come from that resort,it was such a beautiful place where i felt human habitations and nature is living in harmony.

Every one was in a charged mood and we headed back and had a nice road trip back to Bangalore cracking jokes and taking couple of breaks for coffee and lunch.

we reached back Bangalore around 7 30  pm.

This trip is one of the memorable one I ever had.